draft – goodbye letter, different day, different emotions…
This letter is to inform you that I know that I need to let go and have moved out from the area.
I would like to apologise if any actions of mine have caused you pain in the past. I hope you understand that things were extremely hard to deal with when I felt that I had lost my future family and life that I was working towards. If you went through the pain, emotions, sense of total loss of direction that I have gone through before you decided to move on, then I am truly sorry for putting you through that as well. I’ve experienced the same thoughts that you mentioned when we spoke late March. I’ve never been so affected by anything in my life and have found it hard not to think about these things all the time. I know you have moved on, I just pray for the day when I can erase these feelings from my heart and do the same. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.
I also hope you forgive me for being an inconvenience and a pain in the butt. I just couldn’t/can’t work out how things changed so quickly. I suppose it might not have seemed quick from your end, but I was holding onto our dream and didn’t realise you had decided to move on until only recently. In hindsight, not communicating whilst I was working towards moving out resulted in me not knowing what you were going through and you didn’t know what I was really going through and how important being with you was to me. If I had my time again, I would have moved out back in March after we had spoken. We live and learn.
After what we once shared, I will never hate you for any of your actions towards me, but hopefully one day I will understand them. If you need to hate me to deal with the past, I wish you wouldn’t, but that is something I cannot change. I know you have changed in some ways, but I also believe that deep down inside you are still the beautiful person that I once knew. This is not a bad thing, so never let go of those special qualities that you have. I will not remember you for the last few months, but for the times when we were close. These times will always be very special to me. I hope you can do the same.
Things I learnt from you:
What true love really is, feels like, should be, and that it does exist out there somewhere.
Monogomy is a treasure with the right person. (removed all the seedy profiles from online after our last chat)
That I truly want a family if I ever do find my soulmate.
Act today, as tomorrow will be too late.
You can’t make someone love you no matter how much you love them. It’s either there or it’s not.
I’ts hard to say this, but I do honestly wish you luck in your new relationship. He must be a very special guy if you fell in love with him so quickly and I hope he realises how special you are as well. I’m sure he does and you will both experience the most wonderful life. Since I didn’t work out to be that lucky guy, I am happy that you have found what you have always been looking for. If anyone has had hardship in their life and deserves eternal happiness, then you do.
I don’t want you to worry anymore, as I will not be contacting you to try and salvage anything from the past, nor will I interfere with you getting on with your life. I know I need to let go of the dream that I once had and am working towards that every day. I have seen counsellors and the doctor and whilst it was good to finally talk to someone about my emotions, I know that it is up to me to work through this and no one else. I wish I had spoken to people about this situation earlier, as it would have brought to the front what I really wanted, rather than not dealing with it when I got back from overseas. Depression is not fun and is unlike a physical injury in which the pain can be isolated to one area.
I hope to enjoy a single life in my new house and have taken extended time off work to re-evaluate my direction and become strong again. I know that I crave love to replace what I have lost, but also know that it is way too soon for me to rebound into another relationship as it might be for all the wrong reasons. Once I have regained my motivation and confidence, I know that I have the skills and potential to make a lot of money and to own that dream house of mine on the waterfront – that is something for me to work towards.
We all have dreams in life and I hope we both achieve them all.
Warm smiles and a heartfelt hug.
You know….
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